I love you butcher/love you Broad Street

All the meat in my latest recipe was purchased from Lebanon Valley Meat Products at Broad Street Market, Harrisburg PA. If you're in the area and around on market days, you can call in orders to 717-236-2518.

They have something I'd never seen before - beef bacon. It's smoked thin-sliced beef with a ribbon of fat down the middle. Cooks up just like bacon, and is distinctly bacony, but in a beefy way. (Description of the year and it's only mid-January)

Always know your butcher - when she saw I was interested in the beef bacon and asking other customers about it, the woman helping me not was not only very helpful but showed me a strip up close - then wrapped and gave it to me to taste. You cook it like regular bacon.

The other butcher at Broad Street has some too. An African-American man at LVMP's counter told me he goes for the beef bacon because he chooses not to eat pork. I'm thinking a religous adaptation might figure into its popularity.

Here's how to make it!

I deboned my loverly dish and spooned up a bowl. It's really fucking good. I didn't spice the main mix at all, so it's just individual flavors bringing their gusto. The multireduction was a great idea that I will continue to refine and make even more ridiculous.

Next time, larger oxtails, cause I love the chewy meat on them. And a beef shank.

I won't be buying lunch at work for a while.

Shoutouts are in order for the whtie onions to Brandt Farms and for the garlic, shallots, and red onions to Shady Nook. Shady Nook first knew me as "mojito guy" then as "beef stew guy" and now they're getting used to "guy with very, very specific needs cause he's on blood thinners but refuses to stop cooking."

Other details that escaped me initially - I used Kitchen Essentials veg and chicken stocks (because I know their flavor profiles) and Emeril's beef stock. Yes, I know. He's the antithesis to all things that are good and culinary. So fucking what? His stock reduces wonderfully.

The onions for this dish are added last and left on top for as long as possible, with mild stirring every half hour so they don't burn. This is because I filled my pot full tot he brim and had to cook down the onions before adding the beans.

This amount of ingredients in this recipe is enoguh to fill a seven-quart pot to the brim. it'll get lower once you pull the bones out. Make sure to separate the nastiness and bone of the short ribs from their luscious flesh.

A good dose of salt is essential in the flour mix. more updates as events warrant.

What does the end result taste like? Like oxtail soup met beef stew at the bar, then took it home to meet chili, who ended up calling french onion soup to really get into it.

Tried to make chili, this ain't chili but it worked out well regardless

Chili.

Here’s what I usually use. Here’s what I need to do better.

Meat. Previously chopped chuck. Today, boned short ribs (the real fucking thing, and they better be this time or I’m gonna murder someone with that giant knife I’ve been using lately), actual chopped chuck (seamboned, natch) and a beef shank at the bottom. A gigantic one. I fucking love those lately.

Beans. Previously canned richfood brand. This time…hmm. Not chickpeas, cause I’m on blood thinners at the moment.

Sausage – before, hillshire farms kielbasa. Now, leidy brothers kielbasa. (ended up being Karns pork sausage, which worked fine. Two links, about 26 inches)

Allium family – no green onions. Again, blood thinners. White onions as before, and a biiig fat Vidalia ifi can find one. Interesting that word autocapitalizes Vidalia. Also, farmer’s market garlic, and for the first time ever in one of my chilis, shallots. Possibly. (Turned out to be two sweet white onions and two heavy onniony onions and three small reds, as well as twelve shallots and two heads of garlic, peeled and sauteed before going into the pot whole)

Tomato – previously, canned paste. This time, tomato gel?  Ro-Tel, always.(actually, none..fuck tomato.)

Base – this is where shit’s gonna get absolutely fucking ridiculous. I’m going for absurdity. Three quarts, one each of beef, chicken and pork stock, each reduced to half of its previous volume. Then added over a hot pan that contains the sautéed aliums and a cup each of carrots and celery. Word to the mirepoix. The French know so much about food. (I skipped the mirepoix)

Spices – I wanna go mole. Thinking dark chocolate in addition to chili, cumin, salt, black pepper, garlic powder, and a bit of bacon salt.(I have no idea how i spiced it)

Meat gets its own spice rub. Salt, pepper, bacon salt, and flour. Gotta get it all browned off perfectly.

I will be rocking all four burners at once. Three will be reducing my stocks on low, which will be spiked with the sautéed veggies. Numero Quattro will be my gigantor “The giant blue thing is coming to feed you!” cast-iron Martha Stewart pot. Everyone I know has a red one, but I love the deep blue.

Although this could make me change my mind. Sex, in pot form. (first google hit for query “bud shots”)

Workflow goes like this – peel and prep EVERYTHING. Including the kielbasa – leidy’s casing sucks. Start the stocks on ¼ temp. (the goal is a low simmer, anything more is overkill with the amount of time you’ll have.

Splash the cast iron (it doesn’t have to be cast iron – anything nonstickish with a lid that’s big enough for the whole shebang will be fine) with some oil. Once it’s hot, bloom spices until you can smell them, then add the meat. Sear on all sides, then remove. Repeat with all the protein. If you get too much of a crust on the bottom, just hit it with red wine and some silicone persuasion – the results go nicely into any of the other three pots you should have on the stove right now. Reduce the stocks an additional quarter after mixing them together.

Ideally, you’ll make it through this process with lovely brownness on the bottom of the pan. Quickly add more oil, bloom more spices, and clean the pan with the onions, garlic, celery, shallots and carrots.

I haven’t addressed beans at all. Hmm. Fresh would need soaking. Maybe canned is the answer? I hate kidney bean sludge tho. But I love kidney beans in chili. It’s not really chili without them. Maybe a different brand of can. Or….they’re already cooked….maybe I don’t have to tweak out every single aspect of this recipe. So kidneys and white northerns, in pretty much the same ratio as before, is the answer. I can live with that.

What to serve it with? I recommend cornbread or a half/half mixture of Israeli couscous and quinoa. Steamed white rice is never a bad move. On top of roasted mashed fingerlings would be lovely as well.

After cooking, I reread the recipe and see I forgot the shank, bought oxtails isntead, forgot the mirepoix, did the stock reduction to perfection and it was worth every second of bs. Only had two burners to reduce on, so i did it in two pots. Also, it's important to use one can light, one can dark, one can white northern beans, all the same size. still delicious.

finally nailed macaroni and cheese

two pounds pasta, your choice, i used maffado, i think.
two pounds kraft natural cheese.
half a pound shredded sharp cheddar
butter
flour
bread crumbs, your choice, i used buttered panko
A small glass less than a half gallon of skim milk.

put water on to boil. salt it, please.

milk into its own pot. stir occasionally on medium heat. when tiny bubbles appear, begin cooking equal parts butter and flour mashed together first. let it get to caramel, and then add it to the milk. silicone-coated tongs are great for scraping the roux into your milk.

whisk like a motherfucker.

once the thickening begins and the sauce comes back to heat, start adding the cheese, a handful at a time, whisking until you don't feel the lumps of cheese anymore, then you add more cheese.

to add the cheese wtihout burning yourself (which i did three times before figuring this out) drop it from as low as possible onto the whisk. or be a wuss and use a silpat, you lamer.

burning myself frequently is the name of this blog for a reason.

anyway, once the sauce is all cheesified, taste it, do the napé test (dip a spoon in the sauce, look at the back, then draw a line through the sauce with your finger. if the line stays clear, it's thick enough)

By now your pasta should be done. Cook it al dente, and salt and pepper it aggressively. Place into the eventual cooking vessel. I used my bitch-ass Martha Stewart cast-iron enamel. Blue, like the one Rick Bayless used on his show this morning.

Once the sauce is both thick and tasting the way you want it to, scratter the shredded cheese in the pasta by hand, then add the sauce. quick stir to combine, then top with buttered breadcrumbs and into a  350 oven for  minutes.

It needed 15 more minutes. But it was yummy. Photos on my cell, you know the odds of those actually getting uploaded.

(slim to none)

Tonight's stew

amazingly, before I make it.

Check a pork neckbone in a baking pan. In another baking pan, bacon salt baby carrots and a chicken sausage.In another, baby fingerlings that have been olive oiled, salted and peppered. Put in an oven at 350. Cook until done.

Saute one chopped white onion, one small container chopped mushrooms, one small container prechopped celery. (lame, i know, but you can't buy one stalk of celery anymore). When half done, add some beef stock, and cook down further. Reserve.

Sear off two beef shins and add them to the final pot. cover with half subtle cider (not a sweetbomb) and half beef stock. A little red wine is always welcome. Sear off thee pounds of pot roast and add it, then add more liquid to barely cover.

When the pork neckbone is done, that goes in to. The chicken sausage doesn't go in at all - I get hungry when I cook.

Braise the meat until awesome, then remove the sauce (and neckbones), reduce by two thirds, and return to all the ingredients.

Eat.

this is life. what a fucked up thing we do. like drinking mojitos days before october. y'all know how i roll.

omg greatest mojito ever.

i made the syrup from demerara sugar and water, 1-1, and put in a shit-ton of mint. let it steep for an hour, and then muddled it right before bottling. (old trickling springs milk bottle, in case you're wondering - stuff goes fast but it goes bad spectacularly when it does - we'll miss you, delicious/beautiful amazing zest of one orange in equal parts demerara and water syrup whcih made great sweet/sourjitos with a wedge of orange mujddled alongwith and the rum pured over the grater, but i digress)

The mint is from Shady Brook in Broad Street Farmer's Market. They know me as :"beef stew guy." We had the following conversation

Guy who works there: "Okay, we've got your potatoes - both kinds, the peeled garlic, twelve shallots, three big whtie onions - did you need anything else?"
Me, checking down the list but panicking before I hit the bottom, "WHERE'S MY MINT?"
Owner of the stall: "You need mint? I got mint."
Me: "I see two bundles. Can you do two?" I'm nice, if he's saving it, that's fair.
Him: "I can do as much mint as you want. How many do you want?" He had me at "mint."

The stew from that shop, btw, along with two pounds of beef back ribs and two pounds of pot roast, my roasty potatoes, and some caramelized onions, is in the bottom of my mom's fridge. She liked it, I haven't tried it yet. It's lunch, tomorrow, and I 'll get steamed rice from a vendor at Broad Street which is always nice for lunch. Burned the SHIT out of myself making it, so much that I bought tongs at the kitchen supply store. Comically long tongs. Those will be good for a laugh. I could turn burgers without leaving the toilet with those.

Anyway, this mojito is in a Mason jar. It's full. I poured layers of syrup and rum (they eventually disintegrate, but it looks cool, now to do it for real) and then dropped in a bunch of mint (not a whole bunch, but like ten sprigs and a lime nad a half, muddled the shit out of it, flipped the muddler to the proper side, muddled it to much greater effect, and then added most of a small can of Jones Spookiwi seasonal kiwi soda. It's crisp and tart like their Green Apple, which I'd love to use in a mojito if I could fucking find any.

It's good. I stuck a three-cube section of ice cube into it, stirred by pushing that around, and am loving it now. Is strength is responsible, in part, for this loquaciousness.

I.wrote.a.fantastic.recipe.and.then.life.happened

So, I wanted to cook an incredibly awesome beef stew recipe I wrote recently. That didn’t end up happening. Instead, I cooked this, even as I got a great peer edit on my written original recipe.

12 shallots

Four sweet white onions

A pound of short ribs

Two country style pork ribs (three pounds)

30 pearl onions, peeled

4 carrots

Red wine

Beef broth

3 large turnips

3 pounds chuck, pot roast meat.

Two pounds baby potatoes

One pound of bacon.

One pound sliced white mushrooms

• Chop large onions and carrots. Peel shallots and pearl onions. To peel pearl onions, cut an x in the root end, toss in boiling water, then pull after just two minutes. Pop into an ice bath, let cool, and pop out of the skins.
• Get the shallots and pearls into a pot of half decent red wine and half beef stock. Put on medium, leave alone and uncovered.
• Chop turnips. Braise bacon a’la Julia Child’s boeuf bourginon. Dry on paper towel. Put to the side.
• In another pan, cook the sweet onions in butter until they turn light brown. Stir frequently. Add to later bowl when finished. Same with the mushrooms, except they go in the allium braisefest when cooked.  
• Once bacon is dry, saute it in a little olive oil until it gives up its fat and gets tasty. Remove with a slotted spoon, then get the pan really fucking hot. Pat-dry all your protein just before addignt ot he pan. Sear the country style ribs on all four sides until nice and brown. Same for the short ribs – bone side first. 
• As meat finishes, throw it into the pot you’re cooking all of this in. Don’t add the shallots and pearls until the very end.
• Chop the chuck into relatively uniform pieces (it’s stew, relax) then redry with paper towels. Toss with flour and immediately place into absurdly hot pan. If you don’t have enough room in one pan for all of it, get another one hot as fast as possible – floured meat will get soggy fast. It should be dry to the touch.
• Turn when browned, brown on other side before adding to pot. Then dump all the onion on top. Then all the root veg. Then realize the root veg won’t fit. So spoon it out and bake it in the oven next to the pan for the first hour and a half it’s in the oven at 350. At that time, pull the veg, taste the sauce, adjust with whatever, and then stir in the roasted veg. Braised and roasted – cold weather is certainly upon us.
• The stew should be finished with mostly beef stock and enough red wine to cover everything, as well as a bunch of thyme and three cloves of garlic, smashed. I dumped in half a bottle of malbec instead of what I was looking for, the cabernet sauvignon I used for the boeuf last week, but it tastes better at half an hour left than the sauvignon did two days old.
• This is a dish, as mentioned just words ago, that keeps VERY well. Unless you’ve got a better tongue than mine, wait til at least an hour and a half in to adjust the sauce.
• So what happened to my previous recipe? The butcher shop sold all their neckbones, but their country style pork ribs (which have bone, one of my requirements) were beautifully marbled. I couldn’t find fucking parsnips anywhere. ANYWHERE. Sorry, Lisa.
• The guy at the Broad Street produce shop (third building or first building, depending whether you park on the end closer to the Army surplus store or the elementary school) was out of parsnips and mint (cry, their mint is a dollar and amazing) but charged me just under fourteen bucks for all the produce in this recipe. For comparison, the shallots alone at Karns would have cost fifteen. Although I would’ve liked my itemized receipt. Regardless, amazing quality and absurd prices. Go when they’re getting rid of everything, around 3.
• Finally, the short ribs? I’ve wanted to work them into something for a while, since I freaking love braised anything, and I talked to one of the Karns butchers (great meat, great seafood, absolute shit for produce, and horribly expensive mediocre-quality mint) about using beef bones in the recipe. We discussed the various merits of baby back ribs (may try that later) and then settled on the short ribs. Two came out to a pound, which was 2.50. Sold. I spent more on novelty potato chips.
• So where’s the awesome recipe I teased at the beginning? It’s not here yet. It needs enough reworking that it needs retyping, and I’m just barely awake enough to type this as a single-shot stream-of-consciousness transcribed babble.

it's meatloaf day

what i learned about meatloaf today

raw onion, garlic and shallot
ground veal, ground lamb, ground turkey thigh - third pound each
fine-chopped carrot
one egg
handful of panko
ten strips cooked bacon, cooled and chopped into lardons.
trader joe's soyiyaki
old bay
fresh black pepper
kosher salt

cover with bacon. it's done when the meat is cooked to your liking. which for me is completely. hence the bacon, so it stays moist.

what i don't like in meatloaf

thyme
raw bacon
ketchup

the perfect mojito

You're going to need silver rum. I used Bacardi. You'll also have to make some syrup.

two cups sugar. Eighty percent white sugar, twenty percent light brown. trust me.
two cups water.

put in a pan. bring almost to a boil, stir to combine, then add

zest of three limes
ounce and a half of  lime mint, mashed, twisted and chopped.(yes, I was hungover enough to forget the mint in a fucking mojito recipe)
five inches of cucumber, quartered and chopped (not smaller - these will turn into your garnish)
any other leafy green aromatics you like. I've heard cannabis trim works.

Let the syrup steep for half an hour, then strain. You're now ready to make mojitos.

There are two different kinds. One's the best version of a bar mojito you've ever had. The other is a more mature, sipping mojito. The third (i'm hung over) is a dragonfruitjito. It's more about the technique.

recipe one, in order

tall, narrow glass
three ice cubes
one shot syrup
one shot rum
Splash of Sprite.
wedge of syrup-candied cucumber

If you like fizz, shake before the Sprite, then stir lightly after. If you don't, shake after the Sprite. This is a candyjito - sweet, fruity, and easy-sippin'.

recipe two, in order

tall narrow glass
four cubes
one shot syrup
one shot rum
one shot syrup
one shot rum
generous squeeze of lime

Shake. Sip. Don't drink like th first one. This is stronger. It'll mellow and change as the ice melts.

Recipe three, in order

three cubes
one shot syrup
one shot rum
one shot syrup
one shot rum
squeeze of lime.
stir.
slow pour of dragonfruit vitamin water on the very top . this, done properly, creates a layer that'll survive walking around and sipping.
Garnish. by the time I drank this version, i was putting on two big chunks of candied cuke. nothing like a fun bite wtih your drink.

what's the nest step? watermelon juice instead of vitamin water. and seeing how many distinct layers i can pull off.

It makes enough syrup to make five candyjitos and at least five adult mojitos. 20 ounces of Sprite is barely enough for five sweeter versions. that many drinks equals most of a 750 mL bottle of Bacardi.

Substitutions? Sure. Poland Spring lime sparkling water instead of Sprite. Rim the glasses in syrup and then in crushed nerds or sweettarts. I haven't tried it with dark or spiced rum, but there are enough crazy flavors going on here. If you wanna be crazy, drink through hollowed sugarcane out of a pineapple shoved up your own ass, you fancy, fancy bastard.

Making beef stew again

a little secret i picked up with the beef stew - the ends of your onions and carrots and such should go in a side pot to simmer in chicken stock, wine, or whatever liquids you're using in your stew. add one at a time to reduce down before adding a different one. multiple reductions equal layers of flavor.

When it gets all the way down, hit with butter, then flour. strain into the main pot. If too thick, pour something through it. I kept adding little slices of orange zest as it reached full thickness. Also, the juice of half an orange.

This time I'm using up my freezer stockof Trader Joe's sausage in the stew along with my usual meat, fingerling sweet potatoes and Washington baby white potatoes, along with a load of carrots and a pound of sweet peppers.

Yum. Should be good. Using cheap burgundy and PA apple cider. Saved the chicken stock for the side reduction pot in the beginning, because if you simmer veg ends in stock and stop there, it's still good. But I was an overachiever tonight.

Last, I added bucatini. Add it vertically if you try this. Laying it on top, even in a pot as large as mine, does not work. Also, add water - enough so you can stir it all with a large spoon. Once it reduces by half, I'm hitting the sack.

Wake Up a Kitten Stew

 

mix a pound of stew meat with flour, salt, pepper, and other seasonings. set aside to come to room temp

chop a large white onion and a large yellow onion. put in a large pot with hot oil to cook down. season the oil with garlic powder before adding the onions. let them cook down a bit until you finish chopping hte sweet peppers and carrots, which should go in together.

chop sweet peppers. Add.I used six ounces, .

chop carrots. add.

chop red potatoes into quarters. add.

add amber ale and apple cider. Stir and cover. (For cooking's sake, use a microbrew and a cider that you like the taste of. I don't enjoy Fat Tire, but I only tasted it from the bottle and I knew it'd be good with browned beef in a stew - I'm not the first to do it. My cider is amazing local Iowa cider, which is like getting your throat massaged by a Pink Lady. (it's an appple, look it up.)

Brown the beef and two good pork chops, chopped and floured like the meat, in a separate skillet, then add to the main pot. then add apple cider or beer to the saute pan and scrape off the brown stuff, cook it down a bit then add to the stew. Stir. If the liquid looks like it's getting low, taste it then add beer or cider or water. Fuck water, but that's just me.

there are a couple secrets to great beef stew - time, great beer, basic ingredients, and long slow cooking.

Most people use beef stock in beef stew. Fine by me, but this recipe used a 22 oz bottle of Fat Tire Amber Ale and a few generous pours and a pan-cleaning quick reduction of the meat saute-pan of gorgeous amazing local Iowa apple cider. The meat, always floured and seasoned befrore all being browned, benefits from slow-cooking. Two hours after I set this on low and let it bubble gently, the beef has gone from five chews to three. THe pork is tender, juicy and tastes throughout the chewing process.

Potatoes should be roughly equal size, of width that you'd hold your thumb and forefinger apart to indicate somone has a very small penis. Larger if you're cooking it longer. Carrots can be any size - I chopped up a bunch of baby carrots with this chopper thing in my friend's house. Only knifework was chopping hte onions in half so they fit in the chopper.

I spiced everythign perioudicially with lawry's seaoned salt and some random cajun seasoning that was on the counter. stuf was salted and peppered. the goal is layers. It worked out well.

If you were to sneak some halved carrots down to the bottom while it's finishing, you'd be rewarded. I see why people cook with Fat Tire. Didn't really enjoy the taste, but man it goes great in gravy.

I used red potatoes.

The onions were cut rather large but more or less disappeared. Pearl onions would be delicuos in this, as would fingerling potatoes.

Also, there's some cheap whiskey added midway through cooking. I'm not sure why. But there's a little extra smokiness at the end I can't place.

Don't sweat burning some of the onions at the very beginning.

Good apple cider is worth it. Pay extra for local if you can. The fruitiness will get more complex and bring all the flavors together.

Damn, how could I forget.. After you get all the ingredients together, crank your burner to high and let it bubbble away madly. when it's super=hot, add enough flower to cover the top and let it cook for a bit, then stir in. Give it five minutes on high and then drop to a low simmer, and give it two hours, stirring occasionally.

I would eat this on brown rice cooked in chicken stock with trader joe's soycutash and garlic salt. my favorite fake fried rice.

Speaking of stock, sure you can use stock in this. I would have, but I forgot to buy it - yay fucking up as the mother of invention.

As for how much cider I used? No farking idea. But it's great with whiskey. Gonna have some now. And a little more stew. g-dspeed.

p.s. Why "Wake Up A Kitten Stew?" I put the dish down next to a sleeping kitten to shoot for this post, and the kitten jumped up instantly and began lapping away.

I love whiskey in watermelon juice

But whiskey in Iowa apple cider is even better.

Dead-Simple Candied Sweet Potatoes

Cut sweet potatoes in half lengthwise. You can cook as many as can fit cut side down in your pan. Try to match thickness.

Heat two cups good maple syrup and four tablespoons of butter in your pan. Bring together, then add salt and pepper before putting the potatoes in, cut side down.

Cook on medium heat until the mixture reduces down. Flip the potatoes onto their peel-side, add enough whiskey to cover the potatoes halfway, swirl to combine, and cook down.

Then add enough Senorial bottled sangria to cover the potatoes. Switch to high, flip the spuds one last time, and cook down until you've got a savory syrup with a fruity aftertaste. Potatoes are done when a fork penetrates them more easily than a squirming virgin on prom night.

Alternate version. Same thing, but baking pans. Preheat your oven to 350. Rub the sweet potatoes lightly with evoo and add to the oven, cut-side down. A glass pan won't get yummy browning, but will otherwise work fine.

Bring enough maple syrup to come 1/3rd of the way up the potatoes and butter to heat in a pan, stirring frequently. (Half a stick of butter was enough for 13 halved large sweet potatoes)

Open the oven, avoid the initial whoosh of steam, and add the syrup to the pan. Do not lift the potatoes - the syrup will bubble under on its own.

Set the oven timer for 20 minutes and reduce whiskey in the same pan on the stove. The goal is to cook out enough alcohol that your oven doesn't explode. I used half a bottle of Crown Royal (yeah, yeah, I know) for this one.

Pull the potatoes and put them on your stovetop. Flip them peel-side down (if you peeled them, die in a fire, the peels are the best part) with a fork and add the whiskey. You should have enough to go halfway up the potatoes.

20 minutes later, open the oven door, avoid blinding yourself with steam, and remove the pan. Add enough apple juice (cider would probably be great) to almost cover the potatoes. Return to the oven.

You may need to crack the oven, turn on the hood fan, or open a window. Ridiculous amounts of steam will result after this step. It looked like I'd hotboxed the entire apartment.

The potatoes are done when they're done. Probably another 20 minutes.

What I'm going to eat at Good Stuff Eatery tomorrow

Spike's Five Napkin
onion rings
black and white shake.

Damn good sandwich

1/3rd of a kielbasa, split.
a tangy-sweet onion/pepper condiment
an onion roll, split and toasted.

brown the kielbasa on both sides. this breaks up the casing and develops flavor.
put the halves of kielbasa into the onion roll. Hollowing it out might help.
Spoon condiment over the sausage. Eat.

Yeah, I want another one right now.

Down With The Sickness Chicken Soup

I feel like crap. Body aches, swollen sinuses, congestion, and a sore throat. And my head's swimming so much that typing is challenging.

Time for soup.

1 rotisserie chicken
1 bag eggless egg noodles
2 1/2 quarts chicken stock (i use free range organic, you should too)
4 cups water
vegetables in the fridge that are too gone for salad but still edible (in my case, one green pepper, one red pepper, one cucumber, and one zucchini)
one pound mixed frozen vegetables
one pound frozen broccoli ends.
sriracha
lots of garlic.
garlic salt

put on water for noodles
debone chicken.
put chicken stock on to heat. Add garlic and garlic salt, along with vegetables. Cook on high.
Add shredded chicken.

If I were feeling better I'd make this complicated by reducing two half-boxes of stock by half in separate pots by half, and then adding the other half, and then reducing further. Then addding the chicken. And using tortellini instead of egg noodles.

Time to go back to bed.

Bone-in Ribeye with Trashed Red Potatoes

1 inch-thick bone-in ribeye steak. Mine was .8 pounds.

a pound of new red potatoes
extra virgin olive oil
kosher salt
fresh cracked black pepper
garlic powder
milk
a quarter-stick of butter.

Pull the steak from the fridge half an hour before cooking. Salt and pepper liberally on both sides. (you CAN overdo this) Rest on paper towels to absorb moisture. Pat dry every so often as it rests.

Cut the potatoes into semi-identical pieces, slather with extra virgin olive oil, kosher salt, fresh cracked black pepper and garlic powder. Put on the bottom shelf of your oven at 350 for half an hour, move them around, then return to the top shelf for another half hour. I used an enamel casserole dish for this, but anything that's deglazable will do. I wouldn't use cheap nonstick, but then again I almost never do anyway.

Rub butter on the bottom of the pan you're using for the steak. Use something heavy. Make sure it's big enough for the steak. (mine wasn't really, sigh) You only want enough to coat. Heat thoroughly at 3/4 power (for me, anyway) until butter shimmers.

Add steak, laying away from you. Once that side has a good sear, flip the steak and add an eighth of a stick of butter. swoosh it around the pan to make sure it distributes evenly, and lift the steak so it can get underneath. This is not enough butter to baste with.

(It is, however, enough butter to set off the smoke alarms in my house. In the time it took me to run outside, put the pan down, and open enough windows to kill the alarms, the steak went from medium to well-done. If you live in a New York apartment, this may not be your dish.)

Pull potatoes from the oven. Deglaze the pan with milk, rubbing with a silicone spatula until all the brown bits are off. Occasionally poke at a potato chunk to break it up, but just keep stirring - the heat will bring everything together. Add butter to taste. I didn't want any more salt or pepper. Mash until as creamy as you want.

When the steak's gorgeous on both sides (may need to flip again to brown the top) serve it on top of the mash. Yum.


So why are the potatoes trashed? Because they're baked and mashed! At least they're not fried. *rimshot*

Stuff I want to try next

brining the pork shoulder first. ideally in apple cider.
more variations on baby carrots baked with soyiyaki and chicken broth.
cooking steak in butter

Tailgate MexiMac

1 family size box Kraft Macaroni and Cheese for Americans, or Kraft Dinner if you're not.
1 pound chorizo
milk
2 pounds cheddar cheese
buckwheat flour
onion powder
garlic powder
ancho chile powder

Cut the cheese into small pieces or grate it. Uniformity is unimportant here. I only rough-chop, though grated cheese is needed for one of the last steps.

Boil the noodles in water spiced with the onion salt and garlic powder. drain, and add onion powder and garlic powder. Toss and let rest.

Brown the chorizo on both sides till dark. Remove, scatter a handful of buckwheat flour spiked with ancho chile powder (toasting is tasty!) in the pan, and mix with a silicone spatula before adding milk.

The fattier the milk, the faster this will come together. You can do it with skim milk, but it'll take longer. Whole milk is best. 1 percent will take longer than 2 percent and so on. If it really isn't coming together and it should be by now, add flour or coat the chorizo with flour and add them.

I would not recommend using buckwheat flour with skim milk, but it's feasible. Whole with all-purpose is WAY faster. Don't cook the roux too long - you want it as blonde as possible, and remember like Emeril says, you don't know total thickness potential until it boils. With less fat in the milk, until it boils for a while, the same applies.

Stir constantly. If left unattended, this will froth over and destroy things. Like your hand if you grab the wrong part of the pan to move it to a cold burner. Ow.

(Ironically, while I was finishing this dish, my housemate's cocoa bubbled over just like my sauce did.)

Once it gets thick enough to pass the "draw your finger through the middle of the back of a spoon coated with the sauce, if it stays clear, your sauce is thick enough" test, add the cheese and don't fucking stop stirring. Failure to maintain vigilence now is an error exclusively for the weak-minded.

Once the sauce is tasty, balance its flavors. I added some more of that divine Gettysburg barbecue sauce because I always want vinegar and tomato in my mac and cheese, even if it's not coming from ketchup. Two dollops balanced an aggressive saltiness, which happened because I added the stock cheese packet as well. So if you do that, use some type of tomato and vinegar, be it ketchup or someone's homemade apple cider barbecue sauce. (Must go see Bill again.)

Fresh black pepper would be nice right here, and its flavor won't be wasted especially if you add it right before serving.



Top with breadrumbs and grated cheese, and put under the broiler until pretty. Let cool until non-molten. This isn't as thick as my other macaroni attempts.


Yum.

Pork shoulder part 2!

the wet rub

tumeric
ground coriander seed
acho chile powder
hungarian hot paprika
hungarian sweet paprika
garlic powder
onion salt
two forkfuls goya orange blossom honey
Torchbearer Sauces #11
grade b amber pure maple syrup
Mist of Gettysburg Apple Grilling Glaze (apples, sugar, cider vinegar, tomato paste, onions, herbs and spices) If you don't live in PA, you're SOL on this one.

annnd one pork shoulder. I used a Smithfield Paula Deen-brand bone-in model. About four pounds, if I had to guess - and I do because I threw the packaging away hours ago.

score the fatty part of the shoulder with a knife. cut through the top part only.
rub all over the bone-in pork shoulder
put in a part of your oven that gets indirect heat at 275 for...well, it's 4 now. we'll say six hours and check it at five.

I would normally add mustard to the glaze, but it had so much flavor my mouth nearly exploded.

After an hour, I wanted to do something else to the pork, so I spread baby carrots along either side of the pork, dropped a little water on the bottom of the pan, and then spread a Nance's sweet-hot mustard/light brown sugar/Mist of Gettysburg/onion salt/minced garlic paste all over everything.

Photo at my non-food blog, The Noodle Incident.

UPDATE: Seven hours later, I pulled the pork from the oven. The carrots were perfectly flavored (I stole the mustard glaze on carrots from my dad's significant other) and the pork fell apart on the way out. Good thing I took shots first.

Then, take the liquid you've got at the bottom of the pan, and toss it on high in a saucepan. Cover until boiling, then add more light brown sugar and a slice of butter. Reduce until one-third of its original size.

Add garlic powder and steak rub at the very end for garlicky heat to offset the sugar. Add pork to the saucepan, break apart in sauce, and bring to heat. Then remove and find your white bread, it's eatin' time.

Ow

There is nothing like a bowel movement consisting entirely of Cheez Whiz.

That fucking hurt.

As if I needed any more reasons to never enter a cheesesteak-eating contest, ever.

Ow.