the perfect mojito

You're going to need silver rum. I used Bacardi. You'll also have to make some syrup.

two cups sugar. Eighty percent white sugar, twenty percent light brown. trust me.
two cups water.

put in a pan. bring almost to a boil, stir to combine, then add

zest of three limes
ounce and a half of  lime mint, mashed, twisted and chopped.(yes, I was hungover enough to forget the mint in a fucking mojito recipe)
five inches of cucumber, quartered and chopped (not smaller - these will turn into your garnish)
any other leafy green aromatics you like. I've heard cannabis trim works.

Let the syrup steep for half an hour, then strain. You're now ready to make mojitos.

There are two different kinds. One's the best version of a bar mojito you've ever had. The other is a more mature, sipping mojito. The third (i'm hung over) is a dragonfruitjito. It's more about the technique.

recipe one, in order

tall, narrow glass
three ice cubes
one shot syrup
one shot rum
Splash of Sprite.
wedge of syrup-candied cucumber

If you like fizz, shake before the Sprite, then stir lightly after. If you don't, shake after the Sprite. This is a candyjito - sweet, fruity, and easy-sippin'.

recipe two, in order

tall narrow glass
four cubes
one shot syrup
one shot rum
one shot syrup
one shot rum
generous squeeze of lime

Shake. Sip. Don't drink like th first one. This is stronger. It'll mellow and change as the ice melts.

Recipe three, in order

three cubes
one shot syrup
one shot rum
one shot syrup
one shot rum
squeeze of lime.
stir.
slow pour of dragonfruit vitamin water on the very top . this, done properly, creates a layer that'll survive walking around and sipping.
Garnish. by the time I drank this version, i was putting on two big chunks of candied cuke. nothing like a fun bite wtih your drink.

what's the nest step? watermelon juice instead of vitamin water. and seeing how many distinct layers i can pull off.

It makes enough syrup to make five candyjitos and at least five adult mojitos. 20 ounces of Sprite is barely enough for five sweeter versions. that many drinks equals most of a 750 mL bottle of Bacardi.

Substitutions? Sure. Poland Spring lime sparkling water instead of Sprite. Rim the glasses in syrup and then in crushed nerds or sweettarts. I haven't tried it with dark or spiced rum, but there are enough crazy flavors going on here. If you wanna be crazy, drink through hollowed sugarcane out of a pineapple shoved up your own ass, you fancy, fancy bastard.

Making beef stew again

a little secret i picked up with the beef stew - the ends of your onions and carrots and such should go in a side pot to simmer in chicken stock, wine, or whatever liquids you're using in your stew. add one at a time to reduce down before adding a different one. multiple reductions equal layers of flavor.

When it gets all the way down, hit with butter, then flour. strain into the main pot. If too thick, pour something through it. I kept adding little slices of orange zest as it reached full thickness. Also, the juice of half an orange.

This time I'm using up my freezer stockof Trader Joe's sausage in the stew along with my usual meat, fingerling sweet potatoes and Washington baby white potatoes, along with a load of carrots and a pound of sweet peppers.

Yum. Should be good. Using cheap burgundy and PA apple cider. Saved the chicken stock for the side reduction pot in the beginning, because if you simmer veg ends in stock and stop there, it's still good. But I was an overachiever tonight.

Last, I added bucatini. Add it vertically if you try this. Laying it on top, even in a pot as large as mine, does not work. Also, add water - enough so you can stir it all with a large spoon. Once it reduces by half, I'm hitting the sack.

Wake Up a Kitten Stew

 

mix a pound of stew meat with flour, salt, pepper, and other seasonings. set aside to come to room temp

chop a large white onion and a large yellow onion. put in a large pot with hot oil to cook down. season the oil with garlic powder before adding the onions. let them cook down a bit until you finish chopping hte sweet peppers and carrots, which should go in together.

chop sweet peppers. Add.I used six ounces, .

chop carrots. add.

chop red potatoes into quarters. add.

add amber ale and apple cider. Stir and cover. (For cooking's sake, use a microbrew and a cider that you like the taste of. I don't enjoy Fat Tire, but I only tasted it from the bottle and I knew it'd be good with browned beef in a stew - I'm not the first to do it. My cider is amazing local Iowa cider, which is like getting your throat massaged by a Pink Lady. (it's an appple, look it up.)

Brown the beef and two good pork chops, chopped and floured like the meat, in a separate skillet, then add to the main pot. then add apple cider or beer to the saute pan and scrape off the brown stuff, cook it down a bit then add to the stew. Stir. If the liquid looks like it's getting low, taste it then add beer or cider or water. Fuck water, but that's just me.

there are a couple secrets to great beef stew - time, great beer, basic ingredients, and long slow cooking.

Most people use beef stock in beef stew. Fine by me, but this recipe used a 22 oz bottle of Fat Tire Amber Ale and a few generous pours and a pan-cleaning quick reduction of the meat saute-pan of gorgeous amazing local Iowa apple cider. The meat, always floured and seasoned befrore all being browned, benefits from slow-cooking. Two hours after I set this on low and let it bubble gently, the beef has gone from five chews to three. THe pork is tender, juicy and tastes throughout the chewing process.

Potatoes should be roughly equal size, of width that you'd hold your thumb and forefinger apart to indicate somone has a very small penis. Larger if you're cooking it longer. Carrots can be any size - I chopped up a bunch of baby carrots with this chopper thing in my friend's house. Only knifework was chopping hte onions in half so they fit in the chopper.

I spiced everythign perioudicially with lawry's seaoned salt and some random cajun seasoning that was on the counter. stuf was salted and peppered. the goal is layers. It worked out well.

If you were to sneak some halved carrots down to the bottom while it's finishing, you'd be rewarded. I see why people cook with Fat Tire. Didn't really enjoy the taste, but man it goes great in gravy.

I used red potatoes.

The onions were cut rather large but more or less disappeared. Pearl onions would be delicuos in this, as would fingerling potatoes.

Also, there's some cheap whiskey added midway through cooking. I'm not sure why. But there's a little extra smokiness at the end I can't place.

Don't sweat burning some of the onions at the very beginning.

Good apple cider is worth it. Pay extra for local if you can. The fruitiness will get more complex and bring all the flavors together.

Damn, how could I forget.. After you get all the ingredients together, crank your burner to high and let it bubbble away madly. when it's super=hot, add enough flower to cover the top and let it cook for a bit, then stir in. Give it five minutes on high and then drop to a low simmer, and give it two hours, stirring occasionally.

I would eat this on brown rice cooked in chicken stock with trader joe's soycutash and garlic salt. my favorite fake fried rice.

Speaking of stock, sure you can use stock in this. I would have, but I forgot to buy it - yay fucking up as the mother of invention.

As for how much cider I used? No farking idea. But it's great with whiskey. Gonna have some now. And a little more stew. g-dspeed.

p.s. Why "Wake Up A Kitten Stew?" I put the dish down next to a sleeping kitten to shoot for this post, and the kitten jumped up instantly and began lapping away.

I love whiskey in watermelon juice

But whiskey in Iowa apple cider is even better.

Dead-Simple Candied Sweet Potatoes

Cut sweet potatoes in half lengthwise. You can cook as many as can fit cut side down in your pan. Try to match thickness.

Heat two cups good maple syrup and four tablespoons of butter in your pan. Bring together, then add salt and pepper before putting the potatoes in, cut side down.

Cook on medium heat until the mixture reduces down. Flip the potatoes onto their peel-side, add enough whiskey to cover the potatoes halfway, swirl to combine, and cook down.

Then add enough Senorial bottled sangria to cover the potatoes. Switch to high, flip the spuds one last time, and cook down until you've got a savory syrup with a fruity aftertaste. Potatoes are done when a fork penetrates them more easily than a squirming virgin on prom night.

Alternate version. Same thing, but baking pans. Preheat your oven to 350. Rub the sweet potatoes lightly with evoo and add to the oven, cut-side down. A glass pan won't get yummy browning, but will otherwise work fine.

Bring enough maple syrup to come 1/3rd of the way up the potatoes and butter to heat in a pan, stirring frequently. (Half a stick of butter was enough for 13 halved large sweet potatoes)

Open the oven, avoid the initial whoosh of steam, and add the syrup to the pan. Do not lift the potatoes - the syrup will bubble under on its own.

Set the oven timer for 20 minutes and reduce whiskey in the same pan on the stove. The goal is to cook out enough alcohol that your oven doesn't explode. I used half a bottle of Crown Royal (yeah, yeah, I know) for this one.

Pull the potatoes and put them on your stovetop. Flip them peel-side down (if you peeled them, die in a fire, the peels are the best part) with a fork and add the whiskey. You should have enough to go halfway up the potatoes.

20 minutes later, open the oven door, avoid blinding yourself with steam, and remove the pan. Add enough apple juice (cider would probably be great) to almost cover the potatoes. Return to the oven.

You may need to crack the oven, turn on the hood fan, or open a window. Ridiculous amounts of steam will result after this step. It looked like I'd hotboxed the entire apartment.

The potatoes are done when they're done. Probably another 20 minutes.

What I'm going to eat at Good Stuff Eatery tomorrow

Spike's Five Napkin
onion rings
black and white shake.

Damn good sandwich

1/3rd of a kielbasa, split.
a tangy-sweet onion/pepper condiment
an onion roll, split and toasted.

brown the kielbasa on both sides. this breaks up the casing and develops flavor.
put the halves of kielbasa into the onion roll. Hollowing it out might help.
Spoon condiment over the sausage. Eat.

Yeah, I want another one right now.