The Mother Sauce Rap!

Need I say more?

"Veloute is made with stock...."

Plans for this weekend

M-A-R-Y-L-A-N-D Day is Saturday, so I'll hit up campus for free nitrogen and Dairy ice cream and a journalism school notepad.

Then we fire up the grill and do some beer can chicken. I'm stoked.

While Googling for "beer can chicken" I found a link to a site called Cooking For Engineers, which amuses me in name only - that's rare. I'll have to check it out later - deadline is, as always, my main focus.

Pictures I've been forgetting.

This time we've got the rice noodle spaghetti (aka Clean Out The Fridge Pasta) and some skillet porn.

Egg rolls - yum

So good, I didn't take pictures. But I did shoot one of my skillet after a scrubbing and good fry session - I can see myself in it.

The trick with these is practicing. Try it the way they show you on the box, then roll a few taquito-style, then fold the sides before you roll, then roll it like a...hand-rolled cigarette.

Oh yeah - it'll suck unless you use a thin skin - the ones that had a double layer were way too chewy.

The fried ones were done in a cast-iron skillet with vegetable oil high enough to go halfway up the egg rolls. I make fat egg rolls, apparently.

I also baked some in an oiled pan, and they turned out nice, but I flipped them too early. They require flipping to get GBD on both sides, but they've gotta be hard on the heat side to be worth flipping.

Cheesy Psuedokonomyoki

1 package rice noodles
leftover frozen baby vidalia onions, warmed through and chopped
1 block mozarella cheese, chopped half fine, half in 16ths.
butter
garlic
red curry paste.

when the noodles are boiled, throw them into a large pan that contains the rest of the ingredients, and combine with tongs. Eat immediately, or let cool, freeze, then microwave for a psuedo-noodle cake.

I write about restaurants that haven't opened, too.

Like in this story, which is the first google hit for "diner-type restaurant"

It ran on the bottom left of that day's front page.

A1, yo. It's not about the steak sauce, cause the steak sauce sucks - it's about eyeballs.

Braised Drumsticks

I did this with smoked turkey drumsticks available at my local supermarket. They're cold-smoked, so they need to be cooked all the way, meaning this recipe could be done with a drumstick of pretty much anything. My inspiration was the Disneyland turkey leg, even though I've never had one.

Place two drumsticks in a pan. Fill the pan half way with a 6 parts to one mix of cranberry juice and good apple cider barbecue sauce. Cover with foil and put on the top rack of your grill or oven at 350. Check and baste every fifteen minutes because I'm too lazy to recook this one.

If you're using a grill, get extra drums and toss a few on the hot part with a little oil. Flip when you see the bottom golden, and cook half as long on the other side. Hold the bone with something head-resistent, and you've got a snack until your braised drums are done.

Wine Journal - Episode 1

If I keep drinking wine but not taking notes, I'll never remember anything, and what's more Web 2.0 than monetizing your brainfarts?

2004 Matthew Fox Merlot. California. Obtained from groovy lesbians who were moving out.

I drank it with leftover Ledo's pizza. (Go to Ledo Restaurant, not the ripoff bullshit Ledo's Pizza places) It was good. Tannins weren't too heavy, and the sweet Ledo's sauce danced nicely with the fruit.

I used a glass that had been left out for two days in a sauce, chronicled in the last post, and it was very noticable. This one definitely needs decanting and would be great in sangria.

Cleaning Out The Fridge Pasta

Boil smoked turkey wings in covered pot. (I can buy these, along with smoked necks and drumsticks (much better) at my supermarket. If you can't, ham hocks maybe?)

Cut up 1 knockwurst and 2 bratwurst, grilled and slathered with grainy brown mustard. saute the pieces until they get some color.

remove the sausage and brown a pound of ground beef.

when the wings are done, pull them out and put them in the freezer - they're too hot to work with just now.

Boil rice noodles in the turkey water after rinsing them - the gelatin in the water leads to clumpiness otherwise.

When you can hold the wings without severe pain, tear the skin off, grab them by the ends, and twist like you're giving someone an Indian burn. (each hand in opposite directions) peel the meat, bite off any nasty stuff at the ends, then chop to your desired consistency. I didn't beat it up too badly, but I love all things gummy and chewy. If you can't stand gummy and chewy at all, make this recipe with only a kielbasa for the meat and you'll be happy.

when noodles are done, drain them and build the sauce in the same pot.

1 can ragu four cheese spaghetti sauce
the meat
a big lump of sauerkraut
leftover sauteed onions and apples

stir together and serve over rice noods. i added a glass of leftover merlot and it worked nicely. no parmesean, amazingly, though now that i write that, i'm tempted to add it. there's sriracha in there too, like everything red i eat. habanero would be overkill, but a small dab at the beginning of the sauce-building would be great with the merlot - yay fruity.

Psychoactive Casserole

So good, you'll think you're high. With the optional illegal ingredient, you will be.



2 cans cream of chicken soup

1 pound whole-wheat egg-free egg noodles

1 pound kielbasa

10 oz. leftover chicken.

1 Strongbow hard cider (it's very dry, so a Woodchuck would result in a much sweeter sauce - something I didn't want here)

black pepper

Cholula chili garlic sauce

3 cloves of garlic.



Put a pot of water on to boil. Pour 1/4 of the Cholula in with the water. Peel a clove of garlic, chew it up, and spit it into the water. This is how I deal with not being able to find the garlic press.



In a separate pot big enough to hold the finished dish (aka something big, duh) mix the cream of chicken soup and the Strongbow. Stir to combine, cover, and simmer on medium. Taste, then add less black pepper than you think you need, then taste again. Add a whole clove of garlic, get the flavor straight, then turn it off. I didn't add salt.



Cut the kielbasa into four pieces. Cut the pieces in half lengthwise, then cut those pieces lengthwise. You should have little fingers of sausage. Cut dice-size chunks from the fingers and saute 'till brown.



My chicken is always frozen, so it has this weird texture that I really like. I soaked it in water and broke it up by hand, then tossed it in a skillet and emptied my bottle of Cholula on there. Cook till heated thoroughly and fully Cholula-stained, then add all ingredients to the pot with the sauce. Fold to combine, then add....



Kif. Just put it on the top, then fold it in, leave over heat for three more minutes, then serve with a Strongbow.

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Tried new fruit for breakfast today

I used to work produce, so I'm pretty jaded when it comes to fruit - the more you see and handle, the better you get at picking the ripest.



My honey tangerine wasn't super-juicy. It had that exoskeleton quality some oranges get where they're rough around the outside but orangey in the middle. The honey flavor wasn't pronounced. I had to eat half of it at one time to get any real honey goodness.



The Cameo apple BEGS to be made into hard cider. It's subtle, sweet, and soft, like a cute girl in a cashmere sweater. Just like said girl, you'll start eating this apple and won't be able to stop until there's juice running down your face.



...memories....

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Pigs in a blanket!

Hooray for Hebrew National hot dogs and Pillsbury Garlic Butter crescent rolls, this recipe's only two ingredients.



Pics to follow...

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Absurdly Meaty Pasta Sauce

1 can Furmano's chunky crushed tomatoes with basil, oregano, and garlic
1 can Hunt's Four Cheese sauce
6 cloves garlic, pressed
half a big knob of ginger, ground or chopped medium
1 kielbasa
1 package maple sausage
canned artichoke hearts
1 block marble jack or cheddar (not sharp) cheese

Process the garlic, ginger (peel first!) and artichoke hearts. You could food-process the lot right now, or brown it in the pan first. I want you to brown it in the pan, cause it'll make yummy brown fond on the bottom which we'll then release with the crushed tomatoes. Set that pot on high and turn your attention to a skillet and paper towels for draining the meat after it gets all tasty.

Those cook together while we brown and drain the kielbasa (cut into thin rounds) and maple sausage (broken up into small pieces). Wipe out the grease but leave the brown bits if they're not burnt, then transfer some of the tomato mixture into the skillet. Toss it around to deglaze, then add everything back to the main pot.

Add the canned sauce. Put on medium and cook until it's the way you want it. Add much fresh black pepper and the cheese. Poke the cheese around while you stir the sauce, and it'll eventually break up. Keep stirring, and it'll permeate throughout the sauce. Yummy.

Fried Ravioli with Thai Cream Sauce

This one really gets the kitchen dirty, but if your ravioli fry better than mine, it'll be great.mine's still yummy. the sauce makes it.

Take ravioli out of package.
Deep-fry it. (no, I don't fucking know what temperature - mine didn't stay crispy)
mix coconut milk, chunky italian herb spaghetti sauce, fresh-cracked black pepper (I have a grinder now, so get used to this ingredient) and salt

i'm food-logy. so good.

3d Pong!

Vector Ball: 3dimensional brain exercise

You wish your mom's brussel sprouts tasted this good

15 brussel (brussels?) sprouts
two slices bacon
butter
salt
pepper

peel the sprouts.
hold the root end with your left and slice rounds with your right.
(thinner slices = tenderness and faster cooking, but if you can't cut it thin, at least cut it evenly unless you want a mix of firm and tender)
cook the bacon in the pan.
eat it.
leave the fat.
add the butter to melt.
get it hot.
toss the veggies in.
let them sit for a bit.
flip it a few times.
let it sit longer.
flip a few.
repeat until sprouts are way reduced (greens always do this) and season with salt and fresh black pepper. Taste for softness first, then for flavor.
look for slightly translucent sprout with good browning. brown, as always, equals flavor.
If you're hardcore like me, eat it out of a Pyrex measuring cup with a plastic fork and then go out for barbecue.

Google Ads ensue

I can't say I'm serious about monetizing my content unless I'm actually doing it - so here's some Google ads.

I don't expect to pay for anything significant with these, but it's a quick way to add a little more upside to content I produce anyway.

Green Curry Soup with Brown Rice Cakes and Lime-Glazed Peanuts

I can coconut milk
1 can peas
green curry paste
brown rice cakes
redskin peanuts
brown sugar
1 lime
Old Bay

Don't separate the cream from the milk - fry the curry paste in the milk before adding the milk. I also added a can of water, but had to cook a while to thicken.

Add the brown rice cakes as soon as the milk and cream come together. Add the juice of half a lime and the water from the can of peas. Mash the peas before adding. They'll turn the curry a nice pistachio green.

In a skillet, toss lime juice, brown sugar, and peanuts until glazed and toasted. New at this? Taste frequently and use low heat. Don't add to the soup until right before eating.

This is hearty as-is. Those desiring overkill should cook it until very thick and add some kind of meat - the beautiful thin ribeye I saw at Grand-Mart yesterday would've been perfect if sliced into strips and sauteed briefly.

The perfect scrambled eggs

Trust me.

You need a ten-inch skillet, heated, but not hot. Keep it on medium, with butter coating the cooking surface - rub the stick on it. Too much butter will fuck things up.

I do three eggs at a time. Crack them into a small cup, stir viciously with whatever floats your stirring boat, and pour into the skillet.

Let it sizzle for a few seconds before pushing from the bottom up with your spatula. Done right, a layer of cooked egg will push up, clearing your skillet until the liquid egg on top rushes in to fill the void. Repeat this from side to side and top to bottom until they're just about done. Don't chop with the spatula - just push.

Transfer to a plate and add black pepper. Some swear by sriracha, but I prefer Thai Kitchen's red chili garlic sauce. The 'ach just doesn't do it for me on eggs.

Also, chill your eggs. I like to add a little milk and occasionally shredded cheddar, but stick to mild cheese. Sharp cheeses overpower the egg flavor, and if you don't want to taste the eggs, eat some fucking cereal.

Finally, brown some sausage in your skillet without oil. Wipe it out with a towel, and then cook eggs as described above - you'll deglaze the yummy sausage fond into your plate o' scrambled.

Ideally, at least one of the finished

I was writing my mom an email

and this recipe was born. Hi Mom!

3 a.m. spaghetti

1 box whole wheat angelhair
half a kielbasa
1.3 pounds ground turkey - 97 % lean
1 can prepared tomato sauce
1 can crushed tomatoes
sprinkle of brown sugar (you need the sugar to counteract the acid in the tomatoes)
less cinnamon than you'd think. It goes great wtih tomatoes, but a little goes a LONG way.
1 onion, diced
4 cloves of garlic, chopped.

Put the sauce and crushed tomatoes into a pot. Put on low and cover. Brown the meat (in a skillet), then the onion and garlic in its grease. (turkey - seasoned with black pepper on medium heat, then kielbasa on medium-low followed by the onion and garlic on high, always moving. As stuff browns, add it to the sauce. After everythig's in, stir to combine and leave for ten minutes. Come back, taste it, then adjust with salt, pepper, and cinnamon.

You should have put some water on to boil first. If you did, the pasta will be done by the time you prep the sauce - add it to everything, stir to combine, cook on medium for a few minutes, then stir again. Sprinkle with Parmesean and serve.

This is quite a lot of pasta - probably enough to eat for all my meals today with leftovers. it fills my red ceramic pot and a nice-sized plateful to boot.